This summer, a new sociological species was discovered and discussed all over social media: performative males. With a tote bag over their shoulder, wired earphones and a Labubu accessory, these men are the subject of a number of ironic videos online, mocking how these men will pretend to be someone to attract women. However, the phenomenon is also a compelling example of how marketing dynamics shape modern romance. But what happens when authenticity takes a back seat to strategy?
The “Performative Male”: a social media marketing play
Cosmopolitan defines the “Performative Male” as someone who populates dating profiles with photos of himself cuddling puppies, holding other people’s children, with “not my kid” disclaimers, and flaunting interest in things perceived as female-coded like astrology or matcha lattes. While these activities aren’t inherently problematic, the problem lies in their cynicism, he’s not doing it because he genuinely likes these things, but because he thinks they’ll win matches. The article likens it to hollow social media activism: a move designed to appear “good,” but undercut by its lack of sincerity.
The performative male isn’t just projecting what he thinks women want, he’s commodifying empathy and sweetness as marketing hooks, leveraging cliché tropes such as the “6 ‘1″, because apparently that matters” line.
Marketing strategy in human form
At its core, performative male behaviour is a marketing strategy dressed in pseudo-romantic packaging. Like modern marketers segmenting demographics, these men curate images and profiles that signal their alignment with traits that typically resonate with women: cute dogs, astrology, and children. Each photo or caption is treated as a promotional asset aimed at converting swipes into matches.
Yet, unlike true marketing that is backed by meaningful products or services, this approach is often shallow: a glossy campaign without authentic depth. Just as brands sometimes prioritise eye-catching campaigns over genuine value, the performative male delivers surface-level charm without deeper connection. And because dating apps already gamify courtship, this type of self-presentation only intensifies the sense that attraction is being engineered rather than naturally built.
The cost of inauthenticity
What makes this so frustrating is not just that the persona is obvious, but that it feels manipulative and patronising. It assumes women cannot see beyond clichés, or worse, that they are easily baited by dogs, babies, or zodiac signs. As Cosmopolitan points out, this reveals an underlying condescension: “Seriously—do they think we can’t see their ‘basic bitch’ traps?”. It also reinforces sexist dynamics, treating female-associated interests as tools rather than valuable in their own right. The result is a breakdown of trust. When gestures seem calculated instead of heartfelt, the effect is alienation rather than connection.
Shifting away from this pattern means rethinking self-presentation in digital spaces. It is not inherently wrong to enjoy matcha or astrology but those interests should reflect genuine passions, not marketplace assumptions. In an article by Forbes on the topic, they point out that the “feminine” aesthetic choices these men employ aren’t the issue, it’s when these choices are worn as badges that the real problem arises. True connection arises not from polished branding but from sincerity, and sincerity rarely photographs as neatly.The “Performative Male” embodies the convergence of modern dating and brand marketing: a carefully marketised version of self, optimized for appeal but lacking substance. Strategy may win attention, but authenticity is what builds trust, and trust is the foundation of real connection. As Cosmopolitan bluntly puts it: “Gentlemen, you’re embarrassing yourselves”. In the end, marketing tactics may spark a swipe, but only genuine presence sustains a relationship.
